contemplating

I had a friend who posted a blog that made me start contemplating. she was talking about how she has a tendency to comoplain about things instead of being thankful for the good in them. it made me start a list of things that i complain about when instead i should be thankful. 

Maybe instead of . . .

I should be. . . 

. . .complaining about having to go to school. . . 

. . .thanking God that my parents are willing to send me to school.

. . .complaining about driving a "beater". . . 

. . .thanking God that he provided me with a reliable vehicle only a couple of months after i turned 16. 

. . .complaining about the fact that my friends live so far away. . .

. . .thanking God that he's given me friends that care, even when they live so far away.

. . .constantly being worried about something (or rather, anything). . .

. . .remembering that God has never let me down in the past, even when I thought he might be, and trusting that he won't now.

. . .complaining about getting "hit on". . .

. . .thankful that someone thinks i'm worth it. (some people don't have that. . .pleasure).

. . .complaining about having to park so far away from my classes. . . 

. . .thanking God for friends who are willing to walk the "extra mile" in the rain. 

. . .there are other things, but they have escaped me. 

There is so much else on my mind. I've been thinking a lot about how God works in mysterious ways. He tends to blind me when i need to be blind, and open my eyes quite wide when they need to be. I saw this couple sitting in the park by my house. they were probably in their 70's or 80's. She was obviously in pain, and he was hurting with her. It almost made me cry. That's what love is!

The other thing was, I heard the song "Waiting on a Woman" today. A mini prayer popped into my mind before i could stop it. "God, I'm gonna need a guy like that! Someday, help me fall in love with a man that patient!" The moment I thought it, I had to laugh. i think the prayers prayed spontaneously are the most honest. Speaking of honest prayers (on the more sensetive side). . . the other day, I was feeling so alone. My friends, my family, it just felt like in a way, people were "abandoning me". Not for more than a couple of hours, of course, but it just felt like it, right or not. Before I could stop it, another honest prayer popped into my head. "God, where are you when I feel so alone???" I felt horrible! I knew it was an honest prayer, but the moment I prayed it I felt bad because I knew he was still there. He hadn't left. I had just forgotten to ask for help. Have not because I ask not. . . I guess. 

I cannot stop contemplating. thinking. . .constantly! ALLLLL the time! Part of the problem is that I am always by myself because I drive everywhere and go to school by myself. . .and so I think a lot. 

The other thing i've been thinking about a lot is purity. Of mind, more than body. So many people I know are "giving" their hearts away. Even some of my friends that I saw to be "smart" are dropping their values for that one person. I don't mean badly, I just mean. . . i don't know. Basically from the way some people talk and act, i get the impression that they have a certain set of values. Some of those people are starting to make decisions i didn't think fit with their values. Not that these decisions are the most horrible, just. . . discouraging for me I guess. Sometimes it's hard to remember that no one has the same values I do, or even close. Some days it makes me want to give in, and I have to continually remind myself that it's so not worth it. 

oh well. Most of this is just the surface of the topics in my brain.

if you actually read that. . . congratulations. I don't think even I would be able to re-read all my scattered thoughts, but typing them helps me sort them. 

Since I have coffee cart in the morning, I'm off to bed. 

Goodnight world. 

-Me