I'm kinda....frustrated. I feel like this summer, i went on a trip and started doing things for God. I spent all my time and energy doing things for God and learning things about myself and about him. When I got home, I was really frustrated because I felt I had no purpose. I attributed it to "re-entry stress" (rs people will know what i mean)...and kept going. It is now 4 months later, and my feeling hasn't changed. I feel like all I do is go to school and do homework. I don't have a job, and the most I feel like I do for God is go to church on Wed and Sun. whoopty doo. I know that's not exactly true, that there is at least one person i am speaking into the life of, but i feel like I'm not utilizing the gifts/tools i have been given. it's really frustrating. and i don't see it improving. I just feel like I have no purpose. **warning, random illustration** It's almost like the idea of someone going out and buying a brand new wheelbarrow, then leaving it in the middle of their yard to rust and never using it. that's the best explanation i have of how i feel. Am I ever gonna be able to DO something worthwile again? to DO something for God, something that actually MATTERS for eternity, for the long run? Maybe I'm just being impatient and stupid, but I just...idk. I guess someday it'll make sense. right now i'm just so frustrated.
oh well. if you actually read that, thanks for letting me "throw up" all over you. right now there are two songs i'm trying to dwell on.
The first is Thank You by Ray Boltz
And the second is Someday We'll Know by Mandy Moore.
Again, thanks. I needed to vent.
Love you all very much.
-me
1 comment:
Just to let you know someone is reading this...! Hey, I don't think doing something for God is important. Just focus on your heart being open to Him, letting Him grow you into who He wants you to be! Be available to Him! It's only what He Himself does through you that is of any eternal value! It might surprise you what God will do with you as you give yourself unreservedly to Him.
Michael Card encourages listening, being still before God. I think that is kind of rare advice, but great! Who's the BOSS anyway? God! Is He able to tell you what He wants from you? Yeah! So just listen, and let your heart be the good prepared soil...
I wish you mush patience and the heart to follow Him alone!
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