lalala.

I have sooooo much on my mind it's not even funny. Oh, where to begin.

Life. What is life? When you look it up in Webster's dictionary, there are plenty of meanings.

• the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body.
• the sequence of physical and mental experiences that make up the existence of an individual

And that's just two! Life, however, is so much more than a definition. Life is a process, a joy, a curse. Life has so much going on. Life is a process of love, of grace, of pain, of trials. Sometimes it seems like a bit more pain and trials than love and grace, but it all mixes together to form one big, magical ball of emotion. You cannot have the love and grace without the pain. How would one recognize the joy if there was no pain to compare it to? How would one recognize the grace God gives if the trials didn't come?

My brain is swirling with unanswered questions. I cry out to God, with no real answer but"wait".

"I don't like to wait! I don't want to wait!", I cry. No matter. The Heavenly Father, in all His wisdom, says again;

"wait."

So, I sit, and I try to be content with waiting. Try, being the key word. With everything in me, I try. My brain is this gigantic mix of every emotion I think is possible to feel.

Two years in the internship, or one? Nursing school? Why did I have to grow up? Cause, well, it's not as fun as I thought it'd be. I mean....making my own decisions? Not as cool as I wanted it to be. Learning that God is all I have is a big wow factor. Learning that His grace is just enough for each moment? That's even harder to swallow.

I want all the grace now, but that's not how God works. That's never how God works. He gives you just enough. Never more, never less, never early, never late. God. Life. Love. All of this is a lot to swallow. I guess I'm going crazy, a little bit. I guess I just want more than God's willing to give me right now.

His grace? Is enough. For you. For me. His love? It's enough too. Don't let life get you down. Don't let the holidays overwhelm you, or upset you. God is enough.

That's all I've got in me for now.

-me