I'm thinking about...
...my taxes. I need to get them done, so I can apply for scholarships. Not only that, but I want to maybe buy a video camera with my tax return. But see, that actually requires doing them. And maybe this year, I'll actually remember to SAVE copies of my forms. Might be a good idea!
...George Fox. I really want to go to nursing school there, but I need two things: volunteer experience and money. Another reason to do my taxes. No way I can go to George Fox if I don't get some form of a scholarship. The idea of nursing school scares me somewhat. I don't really like math or science, such as microbiology. I like the idea of taking care of people, and I think I have what it takes to BE a nurse. I'm just not excited about the classes you have to take to get there. At least at George Fox I could take biblical studies classes too. That's exciting.
...a summer job. I applied for a job at a camp, and I heard from my inside sources that I might be getting it, but I'm nervous. I know I had great people to give me references, and I know I have the experience, but I'm worried they won't hire me because of my age. I guess all I can do about that one is pray. There's nothing else left for me to do.
...Royal Servants. I have even been having dreams about it! I want to go again really bad, but a lot of stuff has to work out. I want to go to China in 2010 but: I have to save the money, and raise the money. a lot of it, actually. and if i do go to George fox next year, am i going to want to take the summer to go on royal servants? i really don't know! In a way, I feel like God has called me to go to China. I've wanted to go since I was 5 years old. But when is the right time to go?
...Honduras. I am going in April, and I need to work on a couple of things before I go. I need to get my testimony written, and I need to work on finding a few dramas for our team to do. I am so excited to go, but I'm also a little nervous. What part of my testimony could possible affect anyone? I mean, I've gone through some hard things, but I'm trying to think of anything that would be culturally relevant and impacting. Or even anything that makes sense. I just don't even know what to do.
...friendships. I have a hard time not trusting and confiding in my friends more than God. It's easy to do, but I really need to stop it. I need to remember that while he already knows what happened and how I feel, I need to tell him about it. It's not necessarily that I don't trust him, just that I forget to tell him everything sometimes. not only that, but my friends are scattered all over the US. I have some friends in Oregon, but I also have some of my best friends in other states. Washington, California, Minnesota, Florida, and more. I miss them so much, I wish we could be around each other more than just cyber-chatting. Although, I do thank God every day for the wonders of modern technology - the Internet and the cell phone. I'd miss them a whole lot more if I didn't have those things.
...life in general. There's a song that plays on the radio all the time that says "Cause just okay is not enough|Help me fight through the nothingness of life|I don't wanna go through the motions|I don't wanna go one more day|without Your all consuming passion inside of me|I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,|"What if I had given everything,|instead of going through the motions?" I've been thinking about those lyrics a lot. Am I just going through the motions, or am I living with a passion? Am I doing my best to live every day for God? To live every moment, no matter how small it may seem, for his purposes? Or am I just going through the motions, pushing through each day to get through the hard parts of life? If I am just pushing through, how can I make sure to give everything?
These are some of the deep, and not so deep, things that I have been mulling over for days now. (Toldja I had a lot on my mind) It did help to type this all out, though I don't know why anyone wants to know what I'm thinking. Oh well. I guess I'll post it to Facebook too so that maybe someone can give me some advice. :D
hugs,
-me
